As a designer, code surprisingly came pretty quickly to me. From a young age, I was always drawn to coding, even taking a week long crash course in high school. Coding felt like learning a new language with a little bit of math and I loved learning the logic behind everything. My classes in college were no different.
While I took the required coding classes, as my peers were glazing over their html documents, I was happily typing out html tags and connecting css to make everything look snazzy. Pretty quickly, I built my first portfolio with all the bells and whistles I could put together(mainly just java script animations). It was laughably simple thinking about it now ,but I was proud of it. Little did I know I just opened a can of worms that would lead to my traumatizing journey of portfolio reiterations and reworks.
During my time in college, I had exhausted my options in terms of beginner classes I could take to learn more about front end development. I wanted to take my skills to the next level. However, like most exhausted college students, I did not want to fill another time slot with a class. That's when I turned to a very good friend of mine, Chase, to learn code from. Most of my coding knowledge as a baseline I learned through him and his guidance so I am eternally grateful. He is also the one who introduced me to React which has forever changed my life.
With my newly obtained coding knowledge and vigor, I set off to create the best portfolio I could. I tried to use all the skills I learned in my arsenal including but not limited to animation, connecting my front end to a headless cms, and crazy navigations. After weeks of hard work, I finally completed what I thought was the best portfolio I could ever create. I was extremely proud and began showing my peers and professors. The response was lukewarm at best and I felt crushed.
Of course, my friends would shower it with praise, saying it was technically very impressive. However, when getting critique from my professors, I got a generally negative response. I remember what one of my favorite professors told me after seeing it.
Is this really the best you can do?
It really stuck with me and depressed me.
Regardless, I grit my teeth and began sending out my portfolio out, as I didn't have enough time to rework it again. I was desperate to find a job right out of school. However, the doubt never left my head. I really believed that I did my best, but if my best isn't enough, what more could I do? Then, the rejection letters began to come in.
It would be a bit of an understatement to say I was concerned. I had poured my heart, soul and many microwave meals/vending machine snacks into my work. It was hard to accept that my efforts weren't enough.
I still have a lot of struggles with the idea that sometimes, my best isn't enough. If someone were to ask me what they were to do in that situation, I'd honestly have a hard time giving them an answer. But the best advice I can give to not only them, but myself is to not treat disappointment as the end. Your best isn't the peak of your ability, it is the best to your current capabilities. So keep growing, keep learning, and keep making mistakes. Use each of these experiences as another step to add towards your new best.
Taking my first steps, I want to make sure that the focus is on my work and what I want to do in the future. I also want make sure that my designs show who I am as a designer by reflecting on the work I have done up til now.
With a solid idea to move forward with, I feel more confident standing up at the base of job hunting again. Although intimidating, looking at all the tools I have acquired over the years in a technical and professional perspective gives me the strength to start again. Although embarrassing, I will never forget the pride and knowledge my past portfolio gave me.
I am a designer and with the invaluable skill to develop, the ability to turn any of my creative ideas into reality, and I want to reach the peak I choose.